Most of my friends including myself now find ourselves in the mid-twenties. Just one to two years ago this meant that we had just embarked on our individual career paths and it was a period of adjustments and readjustments, trying to make time for what was important to us, earning our first salary and trying to prayerfully arrive at the decision of how to make use of our pockets of cash. But fast forward to the present time, and I find myself wondering, and in increasing frequencies, if our singlehood will ever meet change.
This weekend I find myself thinking about life and love. I attended the wedding of a JC classmate, a watched the film Life is Beautiful, I also had the privilege of catching up with colleagues and friends. There is something more to life than mere marching to the routines and rhythms of work. Guido in the film was a Jew who embodied the passion of life and love in his entire mind, body and soul. Even in time of war, his uplifting spirit and all-encompassing love for his family, moved me to tears. The laughter you see on their faces in the photograph from the film, is a result of that love. Will the man I share my life with in future, and build a home together in future, have the same uplifting and courageous spirit as he?
We sang K a few evenings ago, and I try not to let my mind wander after he sent me home. It was a pleasant evening, and I wish that we could have more evenings like that – casual, pleasant, and relaxing – cathartic, really, to be in a room with two other colleagues, singing your lungs out, and having reason to behave in a silly, liberating way. But let me not get too carried away, we did not behave in any way more than colleagues outside of work, and thank God we did not.
At HY’s wedding today, the groom J said “I knew I wanted to marry you, after I realized that I loved you more than I loved myself.” The line stayed with me because I do not know what it feels like to love someone to that extent, more than myself. Have I ever loved someone that much? Could I ever? Would anyone love me that much? Could anyone?
M and I had a long talk during our brunch on Friday about relationships. At the end of it, we figured that the best and perhaps only thing to do, is to go back to God and pray. He knows our heart and our desires, He knows what or who is the best for us at when. He can make people fall in love in Him, and if there was a source of life and love, it would be God Himself.
When I have a family, I would hope that our life will be like Guido and Dora’s – full of vibrancy and life, sparkly eyes and passion for each brand new day. The wife, submissive and respectful to protect her husband’s honour; the husband, the leader of the family in so many ways, the one who keeps his family together, even at the expense of his own life. The son, who trusts, wholeheartedly. Would we mind riding the same bicycle to school and work every single day? If one day we need to face hardship as a unit, will we mind boarding that train to Auschwitz, even though we know almost for certain, that it would cost us our lives and souls?
I can only wish and hope that I would discover a love like that for someone in Christ. And someone for me.
I love Joshua, though. :)