There was a little delay in last year’s reflection, but 2012 has to be looked at in its totality and honestly; there is no running away.
So stripped down to its core with vulnerability all exposed, I peered into the lake of meditative reflection – contrite heart and all, yearning for some sort of restoration of the spirit – hopefully without having to alter too much of my current lifestyle.
Despite my awfully adulterous and beaten off-the-track life, God has been faithful and good. I have been so prone to wander but there has been so many timely reminders put in place to jerk me back to the reality and greatness of God’s presence and smallness of my state of being. It is the start of a brand new year, and that means giving 2013 a fair shot at moving ahead and succeeding to find balance and sustainable restoration in life. Lugging along baggages from previous years is not going to be the most ideal.
With regard to X, I have decided to put an end to the unspoken, unnerving waiting. My friends can tease and poke fun in good jest, but I have to learn to let go and stop foolishly entertaining hope.
For the past two years, teaching has been the cornerstone in my life (whether I should be proud of it is a different story) in that I spend most of my hours of consciousness (or sub-consciousness) thinking about it. I am not proud of this revelational statistic – our lives should be made of more vibrancy than that. That aside though, I do need to lay down some goals and aspirations for my professional development in education for 2013, and that means looking back at what I have succeeded in and what I can continue to work on in the coming year. More than simply being increasingly equipped pedagogically to teach my students in a meaningful and effective manner, I believe effective pedagogy strategies need to be paired with confident and appropriate classroom strategies to keep students engaged within principled boundaries and set contexts. I must try to keep up with the amount of homework I give to my students – I tend to lose track of the pieces of the work and the deadlines for submission – and enforce good routines to help students keep themselves in check as well. For a start, I do have pretty reliable subject representatives, so I am thankful and hopeful for the new year. I want to aim to add value to my students academically and otherwise.
I want to exercise my faith in greater measure and learn to trust in God, not in man (i.e. myself). This means praying daily and preserving pockets of quiet solitude between my Father and I.
I also want to exercise self-discipline and keep fit by running more often. I have tried to put across a case for a home treadmill, but mum is nonchalant towards the proposal and believes the only way to guarantee that I will exercise is to well, just do it, treadmill or not. Let’s start with once a week?
Like I told my students, I also want to be less uptight and more relaxed about my role as an educator as well. I used to fly into a rage of madness when my students misbehaved or crossed the lines of respect (in my defence, I believe I do have pretty high levels of tolerance of awry teenage nonsense). I used to go crazy when students did not submit their work, and I would carry that burden with me into every class I went to. It made me disorganised, and affected my lessons, and made me a walking speeding train wreck basically. I did not want my students to suffer that same fate, so I explicitly told them to help me look out for myself – and their safety.
Writing this over a few days makes it hard to remember why in the world being reflective is “being like mountains”. Perhaps it entails being as steadfast and constant in my pursuits and purpose.