Ever since the advent of 2013 and the Lunar New Year, being in my twenty-sixth year has become somewhat monotonous and dismal. If I could wish for something, I would wish for Change. I would wish for Adventure and Excitement, and to do a series of crazy things. I would want to go travelling solo, write like a passionate lover, perform a musical instrument, teach beyond the classroom and syllabus, pick up a culinary or pastry class, spend time with people other than teacher friends (laughs), volunteer for a period of time, break out of the usual routine, of the usual norm.
This journal, weblog; this diary of sorts, has been a great company for the monotonous life of a twenty-six year old. My thoughts, personal or otherwise, are penned down in this space, painted on this WordPress canvas, and recorded for eternity. Sometimes I hesitate and safeguard my secrets more privately with a password; other times I do not. It is always about finding a balance between how much you want to disclose and how much you want to keep private.
But this sacred WordPress space is becoming like a sterilised white space, just like being enclosed in a sound-proof room where the air is stiff and stale and Silence rings louder than any other sound. This space where I have come to cherish and value as my own personal space seems to resonate with my non-fulfilment in life.
It is pointless verbalising your thoughts and opinions when your audience is non-existent or dumb. Perhaps in this case, a silent or absent audience is worse than a bad or distasteful conversation. Similarly, it is pointless describing the activity in your heart and mind and soul when they do not give birth to action. What value is there in talking about travelling or falling in love or growing closer to God spiritually, if I do not commit to live it out in actions? Are my words worth so little they only exist as long as the reader scrolls through the pages?
This monologue of ideas need to take flight and give birth to a dialogue, where every passer-by plays the role of reader and writer.
It vaguely reflects my life at twenty-six: a monologue of unfulfilled dreams and incomplete relationships. Now I need to translate that into a dialogue of dreams and relationships to be fulfilled and pursued. Will that work?