I can assure you: I am not mad and have not lost my mind.
A few years ago, sometime after I began serving in the Toddlers’ Ministry team and after my teaching stint at a kindergarten, this unique, indescribable maternal desire started to blossom and grow. I kid you not when I say I watch TV series and when I see a cute kid, I dream of tucking my own child in bed, or reading him or her bedtime stories, or planting a kiss on their cheek. There came a point of realisation when it dawned on me that not everyone feels a surge of maternal instinct and the desire to have a child when they see a happy family portrait on TV; and it dawned on my sister that I was potentially mad.
Then came the house. When we went Ikea shopping, I began to visualise how my own home would look like in the future with a family. I would flip through Ikea catalogues in my spare time and imagine what kind of dining room, bedroom or family living room I would like to have. I would even imagine walking down the aisles shopping for furniture with Mr Shao. I recall that there were instances when I wondered if I was normal.
About a year or so back, my friends, being in their mid-twenties, began to get married, one by one. They fussed over wedding decor, the bridal gown, the bridesmaids’ dresses, floral bouquet, the reception, the decor again. But I love weddings because they are such whimsical beautiful things that makes you feel all hopeful and mushy and happy all at once. Since then, I began to pay a lot of attention to the details of a wedding too.
First of all, I have decided that my wedding gown will be as simple as I can help it – I hope it doesn’t have the poofy cagey things which makes it so difficult to walk. I also don’t wish to have everything elaborated and highly-ornamented because a wedding is suppose to reflect the celebration of joy and a life formed together before God, but those things need not be massive exaggerated affairs, do they?
I mean, sure I would like to have those lovely photographs and frames and guest books with ribbons, roses and sprinkles all over – or something to that effect. But please – let the bride be comfortable enough to participate in her joyous special day.